2010 BIRTHDAY CHALLENGE

Each year we provide an essay topic in a special birthday edition of the Muse which is distributed at the BSI dinner and the Baskerville Bash.

The Assignment:

In 200 words or less (in prose, verse, or artwork), tell everyone why they should subscribe to the Muse for our next one hundred issues. While the judges, like the Master, are not immune to flattery, we always appreciate wit and independence of thought.

Birthday Challenge Winners

Judging was very difficult this year as we received a number of outstanding entries. This year’s winner was Sarah Montague, ASH’s own answer to Virgil et al.

In Praise of the Muse

by Sarah Montague

Arms and the Muse I sing
That brings
News of Sherlock to
The ears of Queens.
Other boroughs too may hear
Of villains dark and cases queer.

Had we but world enough and time
The Muse would not be Serpentine, but
Stretch to an infinity
To 21 and 2 and B.

But at our back we always hear
A literary hansom near,
Bringing puzzles, news, and threads
Of new-found clues in tales much read.

In its pages sweet and strong,
Adventuresses mill and throng
Canonical and circumspect
Or disorderly—but with respect.

Rolled into a Marvel-ous ball,
Memories past and present call;
Holmes and Watson sunder time
And speak of carbuncles and crime.
And though two centuries may pass,
The Muse, eternal, holds us fast.

So it is of the Muse I sing,
That brings us those Holmesian things
And into many mysteries delves,
But brings us most of all — ourselves.
A century that never ends:
A chapbook of Sherlockian friends.

Y U Shud Supskribe to the Muse

by Warren Randall

Hear! Read together this Muse of note
Where Ev and all have kept the mem’ry green.
Four times a year; how much they wrote
That age before the world went to a screen
But still the Muse’s afoot for those with eyes
Attuned to catch the plain brown wrapper
Subscribe!  Subscribe!  Yes, for nothing dies
Only you can put it in the crapper.

A scratchy quill scrawls cross the yellow sheet
As author conjures up a wondrous tale
A lonely editor corrects iambic feet
And hopes the laser printer doesn’t fail
Here, though the words explode, the Muse is survivor
Thanks to you, the 100-issue plus Subscriber.

Why David Letterman and You Should Subscribe to the Muse

by Pj Doyle

1. No creatures of any kind are harmed during the writing of the Muse.
2. Reading the Muse on a regular basis may stimulate the activity of one’s lumber room (if you don’t get this reference, you REALLY need to subscribe!)
3. Subscribing to the Muse will NOT raise your taxes.
4. The Muse contains no high fructose corn syrup.  (Neither does the Muse endorse artificial sweeteners, nor sugar coating anything.  However, plenty of natural sweetness abounds among the membership.)
5. The Muse contains no trans-fats, intra-fats, etc.
6. The Muse is totally non-caloric, but is virtually guaranteed to fuel your brain cells and incite thought.
7. 9 out of 10 physicians guarantee that the Muse will not cause dermatological irritation.  If you are severely allergic to laughter and/or tears, you may be at risk.
8. Every subscription to the Muse comes with dessert.  (We haven’t told our editors yet, so you may have to wait for them to work out the shipping/handling processes.)
9. Because your complexion will clear, your checking account will balance, and there will be peace on earth.
10. Because Holmes would want you to.